Top Ten Lists

Top 10 Things My Algebra Teacher Says

10. Zach, go back to your seat
9. Zach, is this your artwork?
8. Let’s go to Chapter 8 and begin factoring very heavily
7. There’s too much talking in the back
6. I was just testing you; I didn’t mean to screw up the problem
5. Zach, go back to your seat
4. Zach rocks the house
3. If I wasn’t such a moron, maybe I could get chicks like Zach
2. All hail Zach
1. Hi, I’m Zach’s algebra teacher. I’m a big stupid jerk.

Top 10 Things That Disgust Me about Vegas

10. Too many people speaking languages I don’t understand
9. “Let it ride”
8. “Craps”
7. Urine-scented elevators
6. Churches with built in nudie bars
5. Porn pay-per-view commercials on the TV that don’t show any actual nudity
4. Hoover Dam sounds dirty
3. Video Keno
2. Cocktail waitress sounds dirty too
1. White trash everywhere!

Top 10 Things I Like About Vegas

10. Legalized Gambling
9. Nude statues at Caesar’s Palace
8. Topless stage shows
7. Video poker available everywhere includes grocery stores
6. Tons of hot chicks wearing skimpy outfits!
5. Porn pay-per-views on the TV
4. You can pee in the elevator and nobody will know the difference!
3. It’s the place where Tyson bit off Holyfield’s ear!
2. Sometimes people get so excited that they just leave their money sitting out and walk away and you can steal it!
1. Legalized prostitution, which means that they’re allowed to advertise in the phone book, which means that the phone book is better than Playboy.

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